Home is where the heart is

We own 20 acres of beautiful property south of town. We plan to build on the property and move there in the next few years. I thought it would be fun to track our progress. I'll be posting pictures of the property soon, but I also thought it would be a good idea to document where we are today. After all this blog's name is "From There to Here." So let's start with "there." This is where we live now.



I realize that this looks like a pretty nice house to live in and you'd be right. It has been a really nice house. We built it in 1986, which means we've been living here for the past 22 years. Both of our children were born while living here. We have so many wonderful memories in this house. It is very conveniently located. It is a couple blocks from our grocery store, Home Depot, gas stations, the dry cleaners, several fast food establishments, and my favorite coffee store. Sometimes Dan and I look at each other and ask do we really want to leave this ideal location to move 10 minutes outside of town. Do you realize how much more driving that we will have to do? Have you looked at the gas prices lately? We don't really have a good answer for each other, but we also know without speaking that we are going ahead with our plans. One of the most compelling reasons is that our house is located less than 100 feet from Dan's childhood home.







See that house behind the trees? That is the home that Dan grew up in. See the driveway in the foreground? That's our driveway. Dan's parents lived there right up until their deaths and his brother Tadd and his family now live there. For some the idea of living on the same piece of land for decades signals stability and that you've established roots. In Dan's case, however, it signals stagnation and boredom. He just wants to live somewhere new. I can't blame him. I had the experience of moving to a new city, in a completely different part of the state. He hasn't had that opportunity. Granted we'll just be moving 11 miles from our current location, but it really is far more rural and beautiful. There aren't any grocery stores, fast food restaurants, or gas stations. It's just us, the sound of the wind, and a panoramic view of the coastal range, the valley, and the foothills of the Sierras. The kids are less than thrill about the proposition of leaving the only home that they've known. But, chances are that by the time we get the house built, 3 years will have past and that's just about the time that Chelsea will be graduating from high school and moving on to college. So, hopefully the trauma of moving will be tempered a bit.

I was almost right!

I came so close to batting 1000 in my predictions of the Big Brother 9 finale, but my girl Sharon let me down. Adam was in deed the winner, but he won with a vote of 6 - 1. I really believed that Sharon would vote for Ryan, but she betrayed me and voted for Adam. In spite of this I feel pretty darn good about how close I came to making a perfect prediction.

Only a few more months before Big Brother 10 starts. I can hardly wait...what will I do until them?

Big Brother 9 prediction

Tonight is the finale for Big Brother 9. The final two are Ryan and Adam. I'm predicting that Adam will be the winner of Big Brother 9. I think the voting will go as follows:
1. Sheila will vote for Adam
2. Matt will vote for Adam
3. Natalie will vote for Adam
4. Chelsia will vote for Adam
5. James will vote for Adam
6. Joshua will vote for Ryan
7. Sharon will vote for Ryan

Adam will win 5-2.

Note this entry is posted prior to the naming of the winner. We'll see how accurate my prediction is tomorrow.

The blessing of good friends

This weekend we spent with our best friends, Greg and Mona. We had dinner together on Friday night, breakfast Saturday morning, and then dinner again on Saturday night. Three meals in 24 hours and we're not spending the weekend away somewhere. We're right here in town, staying in our respective homes. Greg and Mona are very busy people socially. I don't mean to make this sound like they have this big social calendar, however they own three different homes, with friends at each location. Most weekends are spent away at either their home in the mountains or their house on the coast in Mendocino. We are always invited to come, however because we have two teenagers who have their own social lifes, we most times are unable to go. So, when they are in town on the weekends we like to spent some part of it together.

I met Greg and Mona when I first moved to No. CA to live with Dan. Dan is a dentist and soon after opening his practice he met Greg who owns a dental lab. Greg is an amazing man. What makes him amazing is that he is truly an artist. He has a gift for playing the piano and for a while tried to make his living as a musician. However, the realities of the world soon became evident to him and he decided to open his own dental lab. The crowns and bridges he creates are true works of art and over the years he has grown his business and has become very successful. After first meeting and getting to know Greg, Dan would stop by his lab after work where they would go to a small house behind the lab where Greg kept his piano. Greg would play the piano while Dan just sat back and enjoyed. I'll never forget Dan coming home one day and telling me about Greg and his musical talents. He insisted that I meet Greg soon. He also told me the most heart wrenching story about his wife Mona and their newborn son. When Mona was in labor with her son soon problems developed. The nurses tried paging her doctor, but he didn't respond to the pages. Mona labored for hours without intervention from her doctor. The baby monitor started showing signs of frank distress in her baby, doctors were summoned and she was immediately taken for an emergency cesarean section. Her newborn son was born with out a heartbeat and he was not breathing either. They resuscitated him, but not before there was some brain damage. This, however, was not the end of their story. Mona was still in distress. They ended up transporting them to another city where a major university medical center was located. It turned out that she had a tumor on her parathyroid which resulted in her calcium levels to be way out of wack which is a life threatening situation. Poor Greg found himself having to deal with a critically ill newborn son and a wife who was fighting for her life. The happy ending to the story is that Mona responded well to her treatment and her son, while having some permanent brain damage which has resulted in some learning difficulties, is doing very well. He graduated high school, found his passion in the martial arts, and now is a successful owner of a martial arts business. Of course, at the time no one knew how things were going to turn out for their son.

I honestly don't remember when I actually first met Mona. So much of my memory during the first year in my new home town is fuzzy. I was a registered nurse back then and was working the night shift. I had been working the night shift for many years and the lack of sleep was really getting to me. But I do remember my first impression of her. She is one of the kindest people that I have ever met. There was such a sweetness about her demeanor and she instantly made me feel like I was a long time friend. Our close friendship really took years to develop. She was busy with her young children, while I still had none, and was busy getting my master's degree in psychology. Our times together were sporatic and infrequent. Dan and Greg were the ones that kept in more steady contact. In spite of the spottiness of our contact, whenever we did get together we always had the best of times and we regularly referred to each other as "family." By the time her sons (she had another son 4 years later) were grown and on their own, I was busy raising my young ones. When I started my doctoral program in psychology our contact become even more scarce as I only had time for my kids and school work. But once I finished my dissertation I was so ready to have a social life again, that Mona was one of the first people I reconnected with. Since that time we have become actively involved in each others lives and her friendship is one of the most important relationships in my life. She is my soul sister. We share the same values and beliefs. When I have a problem I can always count on her to be there to listen and give such insightful advise. She is so self depricating and fails to see how gifted she is in so many areas. Her passion is her horses (after her husband and sons). She has created the most amazing stables and riding facilities at her home. Any question you have about horses, she can answer, and if she can't she'll have an answer for you soon thereafter. She's a wonderful cook and hostess. Whenever we go over there for dinner or parties, I know that I'm going to have the best time. She's better than Martha Stewart, because she's sweet. She's a commando shopper and helped so much when I needed direction in redecorating my house. She's the one I call when I need help with gardening. She is also the modern day version of Florence Nightengale. She has this uncanny nack of finding people who are deathly ill and providing them with care. Unfortunately she has lost some of her friends to death, but in the end she really made their last days so much more comfortable. She really is an angel here on earth and I feel so fortunate to have her as my friend.

Short and not so sweet

All day I spent grading...that's what I do on Thursdays. Tonight Survivor is on, the one reality TV show that Dan will watch with me. He'd do great as a contestant on that show, but I don't think he could bear being away from his family that long. More on Survivor on my next posting.

Final two for Big Brother 9 are Adam and Ryan. I was sad to see Sheila go even though I've had a love/hate reaction to her the entire time. She talked non-stop in the most annoying voice, but occasionally she said something that demonstrated the maturity that comes with living for 46 years.

Carly Smithson was eliminated from American Idol. That made me sad. She was my favorite among of women contestants. The two David's are still safe...yeah!

This is all I have time to post today.

The Bachelor recap

I didn't post yesterday because I was so busy working on my powerpoints for my Abnormal psychology class next semester. Next semester? Doesn't that begin next fall? Isn't this a little early to prepare for next school year? Well, it isn't if you're me. I grew up in a household that espoused the belief that we can't have any fun until our work is done. So, I work on class prep early so that I can have fun this summer.

My class prep did not keep me from watching my favorite reality tv shows however. The Bachelor was on Monday night and it did not disappoint. The Bachelor is Matt from London. That's London, England. So he has that wonderful British accent that causes girls to swoon the minute he opens his mouth. This weeks episode was about the hometown dates with the four final women. First, he visited Shane, the daughter of Lorenzo Lamas. The previews of this episode were oh so misleading. I was expecting a real dad/boyfriend showdown where passionately protective Latin father scares the boyfriend within an inch of his life. That was not what transpired. Lorenzo actually threw his daughter under the bus. He starts out by stating that she is an actress and he's not entirely sure that she is on the show for Matt, rather she might be on the show to get exposure for her acting career. I thought this was rather nasty. You could see the anger flash in her eyes as Lorenzo so easily inserted her curvacious body under the right front tire of the bus. He clearly liked Matt and gave his blessing for the advancement of their relationship. Shane comes from a broken home, so the next stop was her mother's house, where Matt was greeted by Shane's younger sister who dressed like a 1960's flower child and her mother who looked like she had one too many appointments at her local plastic surgeon. What is it with all these women allowing these doctors to mutilate their faces in the hopes of fooling mother nature? Her mother and sister were very nice and Matt said at the end of the date that he wished it didn't have to end there. He clearly feels something for Shane. However, the way that they edit these shows is highly manipulated and they specialize in misdirection, so whether or not Matt and Shane are falling in love with each other is debateable.

Next stop was Durango, Colorado where he met up with bachorette number two, Chelsea. Now Chelsea has great difficulty showing her feelings, so much so that she even hates holding hands. I'm sorry, but that just isn't normal. Matt has stated that he believes that showing affection in a relationship is very important to him, so why he's kept Chelsea around makes no sense to me. Maybe he's one of those guys that thinks he can change her. Both of her parents were very nice and they seemed normal when it comes to the whole affection thing. When alone with her Dad, her dad told her that she better get clear regarding her feelings for Matt, because it isn't fair to lead him on if her feelings for him were not real. Overall, it was a rather boring date to watch, so I was glad when this segment was over.

Then he was on to Loveland, Colorado to see Noelle and her family. Matt was driven up on a flatbed truck loaded with bales of hay to greet a waiting Noelle. Noelle is such a sweet girl and I wonder what possessed her to go on a show like this. She seems far too classy and sweet for such a base reality show. Noelle was waiting for Matt at a stable where they immediately mounted horses and enjoyed a ride together to meet up with her parents. The first glimps Noelle's parents and sisters get of Matt is atop a horse who is rather non-responsive to Matt's directions. The horse stops when he says go and doesn't head in the direction that he wishes. He was rather embarrassed that this was how Noelle's family saw him for the first time. They share a lovely dinner together. Noelle's sisters take Matt out on the deck and grill him for a while. Noelle tells her parents that she really is beginning to fall for Matt, but she fears that she got too late a start (weeks past before she got a one on one date). Matt would be luckly to win such a wonderful girl!

On to his last date, in a location that I can't remember. I can't remember because I was so blown away by what Amanda did. Amanda is a pretty brunette who has the irritating habit of hiccuping whenever things get too stressful. It is the odded thing! Anyway, she notes that Matt loves pranks, so the prank she devises is to hire two actors to play her mother and father. So when Matt arrives he meets "fake" parents instead of her real parents. The "fake mother" is this oversexed loudmouth and the "fake father" is a rather odd looking man who is clearly unhappy with his oversexed wife. They openly bicker and you can see the immediate discomfort on Matt's face. The mother is drinking plenty of wine and she clearly has already drunk far too much. She begins flirting with Matt and eventually is able to get Matt outside alone where she begins to rub his chest and nibble on his ear. Matt, ever the British gentleman, gently rebuffs her, but is only marginally sucessful only to have the father show up, asking rather forcefully, "what's going on here?" Matt's discomfort now moved to a whole different level, bordering on panic. Finally, idiotic Amanda says to the camera, "I think this is enough, I better go tell Matt that this is a prank." Yah think???!!! Matt took the prank quite well, stating that he just thought she was "brilliant." I think this was when I placed my finger down my throat....gag! I thought her prank was downright cruel and I prayed that Matt would not give her a rose.

Alas, my prayer was not answered. First, he gave a rose to Shane. Second, he gave a rose to Chelsea (yawn), and third, he gave a rose to Amanda, the chronic hiccupper. Bye, bye Noelle. You're better off without him. You were far too good for this show! Next week, he takes the remaining three girls to Bermuda where each girl will be offered a night in the "fantasy suite."

Oh the humiliation

Let's just say that I lack a certain grace when navigating my way through life. I sucked at PE and was always one of the last ones chosen when choosing sides for a game. My boss in high school frequently called my Grace as he quickly observed by lack thereof. It appears that the passage of time has done little to reverse my lack of physical agility. My husband, Dan, and I like to take afternoon bike rides together. At about 4:00 pm he called into me and suggested that we take a ride. The weather is nice and cool and the wind has died down considerably. The perfect conditions for a bike ride. We live near a plant gardens and it is one of our favorite spots to ride. It has a nice combination of paved bike trails that run along a creek and gravel covered trails that traverse trees of numerous varieties. My favorite part of the ride is an area where a grove of bamboo trees line the bike path to the left and on the right are a beautiful collection of blooming flowers and the creek. I yell to Dan to be sure to slow down so that we can remain in this area as long as possible. It is simply lovely. Once I learn how to upload my pictures from my camera I'll share of picture of this spot with you. We finished up our lovely ride and when we arrive home we begin to do figure 8's in our rather large driveway area. We are sharing friendly banter back and forth. It's what we do. As we do each figure 8 Dan slowly gains on me. As I am heralding his clear superiority of bike riding skills over me, he passes me and proceeds to turn left in front of me to finish out the figure 8. I had planned on going straight to put the bike into the garage. So as he moves in front me, I do what graceless people do....I fall flat on my ass! Let's just say that I was less than gracious once I had fallen. I guess you could say that I threw a temper tantrum. I started screaming at Dan, "why did you cut me off like that?!" He immediately ran over to provide aid and comfort and as he reached to touch the bruised and scrapped area, my kind response was, "get your hands off of me!" "What were you thinking?!!!" "You know that I'm not very secure on my bike." He of course tries to defend himself, but I wouldn't have it. At this juncture I pull myself up off the ground, throw my bike helmet on the ground and say, "You can put both the bikes away in the garage!" As I'm so effectively communicating with Dan, I'm also having waves of pain wash over my right shin, left calf, left wrist, and right palm. It's the worst part of falling, those several minutes immediately following the fall, where you're body slowly awakens to the fact that you've damaged it in some way. The pain builds rapidly, with pulsating waves of pain. You just hold on, hoping that eventually the body will reach some sort of equilibrium where the pain finally lifts. Finally, the pained lifted along with my pissy attitude. My daughter, Chelsea, ran to get some ice and was wonderfully compassionate and caring...all good signs for a budding doctor. Dan continued to provide aid and comfort. All is right with the world again.

This experience highlights something that I've been thinking about lately. Since spring has brought warmer temperatures, I've started riding my bike again for exercise. What I've noticed since riding again is how unsure I am on the bike. I find myself being so very cautious. Bottom line I don't trust myself to be able to handle something unexpected on the road. I think this lack of confidence on the bike is directly linked to my childhood and adolescent experiences from PE class and other athletic attempts. Am I really that horrible at sports, or were my initial attempts at sports negative and as a result I developed this view of myself of non-athletic? Dan keeps telling me that I am capable, but I just don't believe him. Isn't it amazing how deeply ingrained our self views can become? Is it possible that my self doubt when it comes to anything related to sports has become a self fulfilling prophesy? Maybe I need to work on letting go of the non-athletic label and work toward developing a more confident attitude toward my athletic abilities.

Time to change the subject to reality TV. Tonight Dancing with the Stars and the Bachelor are on. This season's Dancing with the Stars has been a bit of a snoozefest. For some reason this collection of celebrities are just not connecting with me. Kristi Yamaguchi is so far ahead of the rest that for me it's already a done deal. The Bachelor, on the other hand, is not disappointing. Tonight the Bachelor visits the hometowns and meets the families of the four remaining girls. One of the girls, Shane, has been hiding the true identity of her actor father, but in last week's preview it was revealed that her father is none other than Lorenzo Lamas of Falcon Crest fame. The Bachelor looked like he was going to s**t a brick when Lorenzo was warning him not to hurt his daughter. You've got to love the passion of a Latin father to protect the honor of his daughter. It should be very interesting -- to steal a classic line from Laugh In. I've also been watching the 24/7 live feed for Big Brother 9. They are down to the final four and the houseguests have been in lockdown for the past 24 hours. This means that they have been locked inside the house, prohibited from going outside. Lock four people up in a house together and there is bound to be drama. Ryan is in an alliance with Adam and Sharon. Sharon is in an alliance with Ryan and Sheila. Sheila is in an alliance with Adam and Sharon. Adam is in an alliance with all three. Even though I'm privey to many of the private conversations between these people, I'm clueless as to who is really telling the truth to whom. The current status is that Ryan is HOH (head of household), he has nominated Sheila and Sharon, and he also won the POV. The question tonight is whether not he will use the power of veto by pulling either Sheila or Sharon off the block. If he does, then this means that Adam goes up on the block. If he leaves his nominates as they are, then Adam has the power to evict either Sharon or Sheila. So the conversations this past weekend and today have revolved around whether or not Ryan will use the POV and if not, what will Adam do. Both Sheila and Sharon have been campaigning heavily and at about 6:00 pm tonight the live feed was cut. It is assumed that they would be holding the POV ceremony, immediately followed by the eviction ceremony, which then would lead into the first of three competitions for HOH. Whoever wins HOH gets to pick who will be in the final two with him/her. So tonight is a crucial night.

Soulmate Gifts

I missed posting yesterday because I was so busy with grading, troubleshooting student problems, and making my husband's 25th anniversary present. On May 22 my husband, Dan, and I will be celebrating 25 years of marriage. It's hard to imagine how that much time has passed so quickly, but it has. I know that he is getting me a solitare wedding ring to go with my eternity band. I know it's going to be very special as Dan is an "only the best" kind of guy. So I had a hard time coming up with a gift that I thought would be equally meaningful. After wracking my brain, I think I've come up with something really special.

Dan and I dated 7 years prior to getting married. In all honesty, I was less than thrilled to wait so long. If I had it my way I would have married him after just a couple of years of dating. However, Dan felt very strongly about completing dental school and establishing himself in a practice before taking on the commitment of marriage. He was always honest with me. He never gave me any indication that he would change his mind, however I kept hoping that he would ask me to marry him before his stated intentions. When he graduated from dental school, we had been dating for a little over 5 years. I thought for sure that he would ask me after graduation...my father did too! For his graduation gift I decided that I would give him a seductive, yet tasteful, portrait of myself. I think the idea was that once he saw how luscious I was, how could he resist?!!! He loved the portrait and it is still hanging in his loft, where he spends most of his down time, however, the portrait did not work the magic that I had hoped. There was no proposal of marriage. Then I made the mistake of giving him an ultimatum. Either marry me now or it's over. Sadly he chose the latter. He said that he had made it clear from the very beginning of our relationship that he wouldn't marry until he could support a wife and family and he had no intention of changing his plans. Now I realize that this makes him sound like a cold bastard. But he really isn't. This was not an easy decision for him and looking back I think it was unfair of me to expect him to give in to me. He was always 100% honest with me. He also made it very clear to me that I was THE ONE. I just had to be patient and trust that he had every intention of making me into an honest woman. I also realize that all of this sounds very old fashioned. After all, at the time I was a self supporting registered nurse. It's not like he had to support me or take care of me. But these were values that he felt very strongly about and he was unwilling to go back on those values.

So, we broke up. I have never been through anything so painful. I felt like I had let go of a part of myself. He truly was my soulmate and I had just cut him lose. I remember going to bed for several days, taking Xanax to numb the emotional pain, and completely withdrawing. After several days of hermithood, there was a pounding at my front door. I sprang out of bed, thinking, hoping, that Dan had come to his senses and had come to scoop me up in his arms and carry me off to the nearest justice of the peace. I forgot to tell you that he lived in Northern California and I lived in Southern California. So how I thought that he would magically show up at my door indicates the effects of Xanax. Okay, back the pounding on my front door. I opened it only to be met by my mother. She said, "okay Cindy, enough of this. Get in the shower, clean yourself up, get dressed, we're going out to lunch. No more sulking in your apartment." I reluctantly complied. Deep down I was relieved that someone cared enough to rouse me out of my sorry state. Slowly I started getting out, socializing with others, and even dating someone. But, it never felt real. I knew that I was just going through the motions. A few months past. I considered going to Saudi Arabia to work as a nurse to earn a large amount of money quickly. You see, I hated nursing and knew that if I was going to be on my own I'd have to go back to school so that I could find a different career and I'd need the money. I attended seminars on career opportunities for women in sales and even looked into become a flight attendant. I really was trying to move forward with my life.

Then one day my phone rang and on the other end was the voice that made me feel like I'd come home. Whenever I speak to Dan on the phone I get this feeling of comfort and reassurance. Apparently he wasn't doing all that well either. He really wanted me back....yeah! Let's just say that I didn't play hard to get. He suggested that I move up north and that we find an apartment together. He was in the process of opening his dental practice and he promised that by the end of the year we would become engaged (this was in February). I said I thought that was a stellar idea and by the beginning of April I was moved into our new apartment, starting a new job, and helping him with getting his dental office ready for opening. The good news is that Dan was true to his word, just as he always is. By May of the following year we were walking down the aisle and making it permanent. In hindsight, I know that things worked out exactly as they should. Dan's quality of holding firm to his values and being a man of his word has proven to be the very thing that makes him such a wonderful husband and father. The amazing thing was that once we became engaged, he became totally involved in planning the wedding. He was a very enthusiastic groom to be and I found his enthusiasm to be quite healing. He really did love me and he really did want to be committed to me for the rest of his life.

So what does this have to do with his anniversary present? I decided that I would try to recreate the seductive, yet tasteful, portrait that I gave him for his graduation present. I thought it would be meaningful to recreate the pose and setting of the original portrait so that he could see the progression from then to now. The gift is emblematic of the title of my blog, From There to Here. When I took the original portrait I was a naive, immature, and slightly messed up psychologically. Today, I'm an experienced and accomplished woman and I think that is reflected in the current portrait. My neice, Jen, is a photographer, so I called her and she found a spot that replicated the location of the original portrait and yesterday we did the photo shoot, chose the the pictures (I couldn't choose between two so I order them both), and ordered them. Today I went to Aaron Brothers and picked out the frames. I'm ready and I know that he'll love his gift. Once I get the pictures on CD I'll share them with you on this blog.

No more victims...in life and in reality TV

Today is a work day. I'm lucky. I work only three days a week, 4 hours each day. Pretty cushy gig. I teach. This semester is my light semester. I teach only three classes because I teach a course during intersession (which is a short session between fall and spring semesters). This schedule is ideal for a working mom. It enables me to take my kids to school and then pick them up after. I adore that time with my kids both to and from school. There is often bickering, but I don't care. It seems that my role is that of referee most of the time. Today the bickering was about the death penalty. Not the lightest of topics for driving home after school, but my kids are like that. They often reserve heavier topics of discussion for the drive home from school. My daughter is against the death penalty and my son is for it. I'm so proud that they critically think about important issues. I don't care if they agree with my opinions. It's more important that they come to their own informed opinions. One thing I've learned during my time here on earth that opinions wax and wane as we go through life. I was far more liberal in my youth, but the older I get the more conservative I become.

I like to think of myself as a common sense person. As I've already stated, I'm a psychology professor. One of the perspectives in psychology is the behavioral perspective. Without going into nauseating details about this perspective, the short version is that behavior has consequences. I'm a real believer in behavior has consequences. I'm also big on personal responsibility. Choose the behavior, choose the consequences. So, I'm not a big fan of people who choose to be victims. In fact, I'm downright turned off by perpetual victims. You know the person. Constantly whining about their latest difficulty. Blaming everyone but themselves for their circumstances. I used to be one of those people. Thank God I finally got bored with myself. It was then that I decided to take charge, look in the mirror, acknowledge what I'd done to contribute to my circumstances, determine what I did and did not have control over (mostly my attitude), let go of that which I couldn't control, focused all my efforts on what I could change, and my life changed forever. I am not one of those people who had everything go their way most of the time. I've had my share of challenges, many that occurred at a young age. I made a lot of bad choices which resulted in constantly feeling miserable. I found out that happiness is a choice. Victor Frankl, in his book Man's Search For Meaning, taught me this. Victor Frankl was a medical doctor who found himself in a Nazi concentration camp. He writes about his experiences while there focusing on what made the difference between those who survived well versus those who did not. It came down to finding meaning in whatever circumstance we may find ourselves in. If we can find meaning, we can survive and, in fact, thrive. His story was and is a powerful one and I took it to heart. So if you are like I was, in a perpetual state of victimhood. Pick up his book and read with an open heart and mind. It might just change you.

Now on a lighter note. Last night was the Biggest Loser finale. This season's winner was Ali. The first woman to win the competition. She lost a wopping 112 points. She looked absolutely amazing. I love that show so much because, quite frankly, I'm overweight. I've battled my weight all my life, but now that I'm entering into menopause, the struggle is all the more difficult. Seeing those people work their hearts out was truly inspiring. I'm really going to miss seeing them every week. American Idol was also on last night. I have to be honest and tell you that I'm not that into this season. Few of the contestants truly excite me. I know that they keep saying that these are the most talented group ever, but I just don't see it. I really like two of them, David Archuleta and David Cook. The rest will hopefully fall to the wayside, so the two David's can battle it out in the finale.

Big Brother 9 was also on last night, but because I get the 24/7 live feed, I already knew who won the POV (Power of Veto) and who the final two nominees are for eviction. It's interesting what the network chooses to show versus what actually happens during the live feed. Let me tell you that the gameplay talk rarely ceases among the houseguests. The duplicity exhibited as the houseguests move from person to person is staggering. It takes the label "two faced" to a completely different level! Tonight is eviction night and so we'll know soon whether Sharon or Natalie are evicted. My hearts desire is for Natalie to go. She's an airhead former stripper/Hooter's waitress who uses her Christianity to justify most of her actions. It is so strange to hear the houseguests state that they believe that God cares who wins this thing. It's a reality show folks! Do you really think that God cares who wins a reality show?

Finally, Hell's Kitchen was also on last night. This show is my guilty pleasure. I simply adore Gordon Ramsey. He's the British chef who uses expletives constantly, thus necessity the constant use of the censor's bleeper. He terrorizes the contestants, sometimes causing them to break down into tears. However, I've watched enough of Gordon Ramsey to know that underneath his highly intimidating exterior, lies a soft hearted, kind person. Last night, the woman hating Jason was eliminated...thank goodness! If I had to hear him refer to "woman's work" and "I won't let a woman beat me!" (which they did every time!!!hehehe) one more episode, I would have gotten in my car, driven down to LA, hunted him down and given him a swift kick in the behind myself.

From There to Here

I finally decided to take the plunge. I've been reading and enjoying blogs for the past 2 years and finally got up the courage to start my own. I realize that using the word "courage" may sound like hyperbole, but it isn't. I'm middle aged, which means that I'm a baby boomer. Most of my contemporaries view me as a computer virtuoso, which only speaks to their lack of techno savvy. Their resistance to coming over to the technology dark side is strong. In fact, they almost wear it as a badge of honor. On the one hand, they proudly state their inability to work a DVR remote control, surf the internet, and resistance to carrying a cell phone. On the other hand, they frequently state how much they admire my ability to work the DVR remote, surf the net, and always carry my cell phone (and TURN IT ON!!!).

Okay I think I've adequately explained why creating this blog takes courage. What really got me to finally do this is the realization that blogging provides a window to the past, thereby making the "now" more meaningful. Whenever I discover a new blog, one of the first things I do is read through all the archives. Reading what has past brings an additional richness to the current postings. I guess I wanted to provide for myself what I've been enjoying vicariously by witnessing others life progression. Why just be a witness? Why not actively participate? So I am.

As stated in my profile, I've just outed myself as a reality TV junkie. In order to fully expose my shame I also need to come clean regarding my soap opera viewership. When I was 16 I started watching "All My Children." I've been watching ever since. It's not that I'm all that into the show, but there's a part of me that believes that I'd be abandoning my decades long friendship with all the people of Pine Valley, so I keep watching. The reality TV shows that I'm currently watching are Big Brother 9 (I have the 24/7 live feed - sick I know!), Biggest Loser, American Idol (I vote), Dancing with the Stars (again, I vote), Hell's Kitchen, The Bachelor, Top Chef, The Real Housewives of New York (I'm ashamed), Trading Spaces (it's educational), and Celebrity Fit Club. Tonight is a tough night for TV viewing because my DVR only records two shows at a time, and four of my shows are on all at the same time - American Idol, Hell's Kitchen, Biggest Loser and Dancing with the Stars. What's a reality TV junkie to do? I record Biggest Loser and Big Brother, watch American Idol (because I have to vote tonight) and sacrifice the results show for Dancing with the Stars. As I go forward with this blog I will regularly share my thoughts and opinions on all the reality tv shows that I'm watching.

I'm not entirely shallow. I have lots of opinions on politics that I'll probably be sharing and I do have a Ph.D in psychology and therefore I've got thoughts about the human experience in general. I probably will be sharing my experiences in the classroom, the good and the bad. Let's not forget that I'm a wife and mother and I'm sure that I'll be talking a lot about my juggling it all.

I think that's about it for a first introductory post. I have to honestly say, it wasn't as difficult as I thought would be sharing my thoughts will all of you (which is probably no one). This is probably what made it easy...knowing that no one will ever read what I'm writing.