Failed experiment and a last good bye

Well it's been a little over a week since I started the Neurontin and I'm happy to report that my facial pain is almost completely gone. In my last posting I hypothesized that if the pain goes away, then this means that I have trigeminal neuralgia (TN), but I'm not entirely convinced that my pain is due to TN, but instead due to nerve regeneration. Here's my evidence.

Last night we went up to Paradise to celebrate our friend, Steve Arrington's 60th birthday. In attendance was one of my old high school friends, Doug Snider, who I saw about a year ago. At one point in the evening he commented, "so your facial paralysis is almost completely cleared up now?" Quite frankly I was taken back a bit by this question because I'm a realist. I know that it is still evident that I have facial paralysis, but the way he asked the question did not indicate that he was just trying to "be nice." He asked the question in ernest. So I'm left to wonder...maybe he's actually seeing an improvement because there is an improvement. Follow my logic; if there is an improvement in the movement of my face, then this means that nerve regeneration is occurring, which means that the facial pain is due to the nerve regeneration and not TN. Put it this way, I'm hopeful and I'm not willing to concede that I have TN.

Cody was home from school for 4 days last week because he had a case of the flu. Unfortunately, on Friday I started getting a sore throat and by Saturday morning I had full on body aches and a terrible headache. My nose began to run, along with the obligatory nasal congestion. Today the body and headaches are gone and I'm left with a garden variety cold. The good news is that I'm going to be fully capable of going to work tomorrow. I'm scheduled so tightly with my class curriculum that I just can't take missing a day of work. I'd rather work sick than deal with the stress of catching up.

One final note. One of the reasons that we didn't cancel going to Steve's birthday party was because of his wife's step-father Walt. Walt and Ruth Barber came and stayed with us during the horrific fires in Paradise. We were happy to provide them lodging and having Ruth here felt like having a mom in residence. She prepared meals and helped around the house. Walt is such a sweetheart and lovely to just sit and visit with. Upon returning to their home after getting the "all's clear," they kept their usual doctor's appointments and it was during one of these appointments that Walt received the terrible news that his skin cancer had spread to his bones and now it is all throughout his body. He does not have long to live. He's a precious man. Now that most of us have lost our dads, he's become a surrogate dad. So the news of his impending death is heartbreaking. Walt and Ruth live next door to Steve and Cindy, so we felt strongly, in spite of my illness, that we wanted to go up to say our good-bye's to Walt. Cindy took us next door upon our arrival and ushered us into Walt and Ruth's living room. There was Walt, wrapped up in blankets in his recliner. He barely could wake up and he mumbled his acknowledgement that we were there. But he really couldn't talk. His one comment was, "Well, I'm not dead yet." This statement was not morose, but simply a comment on the current state of things. We spent most of our time visiting with Ruth, assuring her that she and Walt would remain in our prayers. This will be the second husband that she will bury. Fortunately she has her daughter and son-in-law, along with their 3 children living next door, so they can daily love and support her through this. I'm so glad that we were able to say our good-byes to Walt and to tell him one last time that we love him.

Girls just want to have fun

My two little "girls," Bella (3 mo.) and Cici (3 years) have really fallen in love with each other. In the early hours of the morning, my quiet time, Cici harrasses me to go and get Bella out of the laundry room. They greet each other each morning with a nose-to-nose bump. They chase each other around the house and the other morning I was able to catch a little more than a minute of their play time. These play sessions often run on for 20 minutes at a time. It looks like Bella is angry at Cici, as she has her ears bent back and her back is often hunched, but as you'll notice in this video, she eggs it on, laying on her back reaching up with her paws to get Cici to re-engage in their play. Cici is amazingly gentle with tiny Bella, which makes me love her all the more. When we first introduced them to each other, it did not go very well at all, so to see how they've grown to really love each other really warms my heart.

Time for an experiment

I saw my neurologist, Dr. Brasch, on Tuesday this past week to get the nerve analgesic that Tadd, my brother in law, had told me about. I really love Dr. Brasch as a person. He was the first, after seeing three previous neurologists, that was a) not weird and b) willing to spend the time and educate me about my facial paralysis. I had seen him two times previous to my current appointment. The first time I saw him was about 3 years after the paralysis and all I wanted was some answers about my prognosis and to gain some understanding of how this could have happened to me. During the course of taking my medical history, I related to Dr. Brasch the 10 day episode of facial pain that came with the infection of my facial nerve, however at the time of my appointment I was not experiencing any facial pain. I was there simply to gather information.

The second time I visited Dr. Brasch I saw him because I had facial pain and at that appointment he diagnosed me with trigeminal neuralgia and gave me Tegretol to deal with the pain. I never ended up taking that medication because Dan decided to see if maybe my pain was related to a bad tooth, which turned out to be the case. I did not have trigeminal neuralgia. However, I failed to call Dr. Brasch to tell him that my problem was dental related and not nerve related.

Fast forward almost 10 years, and now I found myself sitting in his exam room again for facial pain. However, this time I know for sure that it is not dental related. Dr. Brasch goes over my previous visits with me and I inform him about the previous dental problem that accounted for my facial pain, but I don't think he really heard me. He began to ask me questions and after doing a neurological exam, he gave me his impression of what was wrong with me...trigeminal neuralgia. In fact, he framed it as a re-occurrence of trigeminal neuralgia (TN). I told him that I didn't have this condition before, that it was a dental problem. We then began to have a discussion about how TN typically presents. People with TN are in constant pain. My pain is situation specific, related to mouth movement. I suggested that this might be the result of neural regeneration and muscle cramping of atrophied muscles. He was not particularly receptive of this idea, however he did state that it was a possibility. He seemed to be pretty attached to the idea that I have TN. He immediately suggested that I take a nerve analgesic, Neurontin, which was the medication that Tadd suggested. So I decided not to challenge the official diagnosis any further, because quite frankly he was giving me the medication that I had intended on getting when I made the appointment. Basically it was mission accomplished, with a tiny bit of frustration thrown in. We exchanged a few more pleasant comments (he really is a wonderful man!), he handed me my prescription, and I was on my way.

Here's where the experiment comes in. If my pain is coming from TN, then the Neurontin should do the trick by relieving my pain. However, I'm wondering if the cause of the pain is the cramping of atrophied muscles, then will a nerve analgesic take care of all the pain? Maybe it will, by blocking the pain impulses coming from the cramping muscle. So, I decided that I'm going to follow exactly the instructions of my doctor and see if the Neurontin does what the doctor says it will do. My sister, Lynnie, sent me some homeopathic oils that are supposed to help with pain. Bless her ever loving heart, looking out for me and my aching face! But I'm going to hold off using them so that if the pain does lift, then I know for sure that it is the Neurontin, and not the oils. If the Neurontin doesn't work, then I think my next option is going to be acupuncture and the oils.

Bat Crap and Happy Accidents

Saturday night I had the living bat crap scared out of me by three very important people in my life. To place the bat crap scaring into the proper context, I've been having facial pain. Eighteen years ago I had an infection in my facial nerve and as a result I was left partially paralyzed on the right side of my face (cue the violins, NOT). Gradually over these years I've regained about 60% of my facial movement back. Last January, when I started teaching my intersession course, which required talking for 4 hours straight, I started having stabbing pains on the paralyzed side of my face. We determined that the reason for the sudden and unexpected pain is that more of my nerve has regenerated and muscles that have been out of commission and therefore were atrophied were now receiving nerve impulses. When a muscle isn't used to receiving nerve stimulation and then it suddenly does, it revolts. It revolts by cramping up and if you've ever had a muscle cramp, you know how much it hurts. Anyway, since I've been back in the classroom (3 weeks) I've started having the facial pain again. I've been dealing with the pain by taking Advil. In fact, I've been taking 600 mg at a time (a total of 1200 - 1800 mg each day). Now back to Saturday night and my bat crap. I was sharing this information with Dan, Greg, and Mona and they proceeded to tell me that taking that dosage would lead to kidney failure. In fact, they told me that there was this professional football player who took 2000 mg per day for 4 weeks and he ended up needing a kidney transplant. To say this panicked me is an understatement. I really like my kidneys. I'm quite attached to my kidneys. I don't want to have to find new kidneys. But I'm in a pickle folks! I'm in pain and on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, when I have to talk for 5 hours straight, I have a really hard time getting through without taking something to take the edge off the pain. So what's a girl to do? Finally I got a clue and called my brother in law Tadd, who happens to be a urologist, so he knows a thing or two about the kidneys and asked him if I had placed my kidneys in jeopardy. Boy I am glad I called him! He very calmly (very good bedside manner) and reassuringly told me that I probably hadn't hurt my kidneys. That taking 1200mg per day as long as I alternate it with some other analgesic, to give my kidneys a slight rest, I won't do any real damage to my kidneys. He also told me that there is a new nerve analgestic that is really good, so I called my neurologist and made an appointment to see him tomorrow.

Today I made an accidental discovery that alleviated a lot of my stress related to my Abnormal Psychology class. I've been mildly obsessed with assigning students to groups and what do I do if someone is absent from class. I've been twisting myself into knots trying to anticipate and deal with students who have planned absences (i.e., athletes) and unplanned absences (i.e., death in the family), both of which have happened in the past week. I've been keeping up relatively well with these absences. Today I received an email from a student who was supposed to present today to her group informing me that she wouldn't be able to make class. What was I going to do? Ask a student from another group to present the case? But if they did that, then they would miss out on the case being presented in their group. This didn't seem like a good solution. So, I said to myself, "what about you? Couldn't you present the case?" To which I answered absolutely. When the class started I informed the group that had the absent member that I'd be presenting the case and they seemed rather pleased with this option. I requested that I present first so that I could use the remaining time being available for the other groups should they need my assistance. I presented the case and then went on with observing and helping the other groups. I noticed that one of the groups was missing a member. I asked the group who was missing and when we determined who the absent student was, it was clear that this student a) hadn't contacted me to let me know she wasn't going to be there, and 2) she hadn't presented her case yet. I asked myself, "what would prevent me from presenting the absent student's case?" I answered myself, "nothing at all." So I presented that case as well. Both groups seemed to really like my presenting a case to the group. As a result, a light bulb went on in my head. In the future, I think I'm going to build into the schedule having me present cases to these groups. It enables me to model how to present a case in a succinct manner and it gives me time with small groups of students. I just love happy accidents like this!

Dishwashers and students

You know that errant student who had a financial hold on her adding the class? She emailed me this morning asking me to send her the materials for our group work tomorrow. Let's just say that the tone of my email was not very understanding. I explained to her that I could no longer allow her to be in the class because she failed to come through as she promised. End of discussion. I felt a little biotchy, but I kind of think she deserved it.

Our dishwasher broke. Our old and faithful dishwasher of 22 years finally met its final reward and has moved on to where ever broken dishwashers go. But, it left a whole bunch of water all over my hardwood floor. For that last passive-aggressive act, I say good riddens! Here's the impressive part. Dan went to Best Buy, all on his own, and picked out and ordered a new dishwasher. He chose the exact one that I would have chosen if I had been there. He's such a gem. He knows how busy I am and was thoughtful enough to take care of things so I wouldn't have to. I think he's a keeper. I'm looking forward to starting my new relationship with my new dishwasher, but it won't be here until Sept. 30th. That's just too much time to have to wash and dry the dishes the old fashioned way, so I decided to make an additional contribution to our local landfill by using paper plates, bowls, and glasses. I know, no need to thank me.

Expect the unexpected

I knew before starting this new curriculum in my abnormal psychology class that I would need to be adaptable. I even stated in a previous posting my discomfort with living with the unknown and lack on control that comes with a class depending so heavily on group work, but my goodness, I had no idea how adept I would be required to be. I stressed the first two weeks of class the importance of finalizing the class roster so that group assignments could be made. I asked in very forceful terms that if there was any doubt about ones ability to do the coursework to please drop the class now rather than waiting. Last Weds. I announced that I had finalized the class roster and if anyone had second thoughts, they would need to let me know that day that they would be dropping the class. No one spoke up, so I happily proceeded to finalize the class roster and to make the group assignments. The class count at that time was 62. This number was predicated upon one student who had been dealing with a "hold" on her registration in the class and she assured me in no uncertain terms that she would be enrolled by Friday, which is the deadline to add the class. Great, all systems were go; or so I thought. The weekend comes and I am so looking forward to relaxing and de-stressing because I really needed to after such a busy week. However, I decided to check the class roster on line to see if that student who promised to have her enrollment status cleared up by Friday had indeed come through. I wasn't particularly concerned if she hadn't as I had created templates for group assignments for 60, 61, 62, 63, & 64 student class rosters. Nothing could have prepared me for what I discovered. Not only did the one student who had enrollment issues not cleared up her status, three students dropped without telling me. If you do the math, this means that I was now facing a class roster of 58 students. I didn't have a template made up for 58 students. You might be asking yourself, what's the big deal? Just make a new template. It's not that simple. I worked the entire weekend and I was able to do the group assignments for 4 of the total 14 diagnostic categories. It takes a long time to make a template for the entire semester. My over-preparedness during summer break did little to help me with my current situation. As they say, the best laid plans...So I've learned the hard way to expect the unexpected.

Delayed reaction

I realize that Palin's speech occurred a couple of days ago, but I've been so busy with work that this is my first chance to share my impressions. Remember that I had seen her interviewed a few months ago, and my first impression of her was very positive. However, I was well aware, particularly in light of the feeding frenzy in the press regarding her private life, that this speech was a "make it, or break it" situation. I was so thrilled when I heard her speak at the convention because my first impressions of her paled in comparison to my positive reaction to what she had to say in her speech to the RNC. As she spoke, I immediately felt like I was listening to an average American. She is a citizen politician, rather than a professional politician. She faces the same challenges that I do and she has no overblown sense of import that often results from becoming an elected official. But, these are just superficial observations.

While these surface impressions create a more receptive attitude, I was also pleased with the actual content of her speech. One of the biggest challenges to her nomination is her "lack of experience." In my view, this is actually a plus. I equate her lack of experience as being one of the uninitiated into Beltway politics. Her resume, however, demonstrates that she does have experience managing large budgets, dealing with complex issues associated with running a city and a state. The kind of experience that the other three candidates all lack. What impresses me most is her willingness to stand up to those within her own party and to stay true to conservative principles. I don't self identify as a Republican because I think the Republicans are as much at fault for the growth of our government as the Democrats are. That's why I identify myself as a conservative. I want my elected officials to place the people's business ahead of their personal desire to hold on to and to gain more power and influence. What I saw in Sarah Palin, as she spoke the other night, was a woman who understands that she is seeking the job of representing the people, not the advancement of herself or some special interest; she knows that the people are not gullible enough to fall for the elegantly framed simplistic campaign slogans. For example, the argument that drilling domestically isn't going to get us off foreign oil; most Americans are smart enough not to fall for this all or nothing kind of argument. Clearly we have the ability to do more than one thing at a time; let's use all available forms of energy. She has a deep understanding of the energy issues and I consider the energy issue to be very interconnected with our national security. For me, national security is number one and energy independence is number two on my list of priorities. All in all I was thrilled with her speech. She talked about the issues that I'm most concerned about and did so in a way that I can whole-heartedly support. The fact that John McCain chose her, gives me just a smidgen more confidence in his judgment. I'm still wary of him, because I think he still has some ideas that will grow government more, but when I look at what Obama has to offer; bigger and more intrusive government, I'll feel a little better about casting a vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. I wish it was a Palin/McCain ticket, but maybe in 2012 I'll have a chance to vote for her for President.

Are you getting tired too?

I ended my last post with a comment about what I predicted the mainstream media will do to Palin, but I failed to take into account the universe better known as the internet. Quite frankly, if I had taken it into account I could never have predicted what would be thrown in Palin's direction. The announcement this weekend that her 17 year old daughter was pregnant led to the most unbelievable allegation. On the Daily Kos, it was written that her 17 year old daughter was actually the mother of 4 month old baby Trigg who has Down's Syndrome. That Palin faked her pregnancy to hide the fact that her teenage daughter was pregnant. It defies all logic and I think it is physically impossible. To give birth to a baby 4 months ago and then to now be 5 months pregnant. But why blur the issue with facts, let's just spew hatred everywhere. I have one question. Where are all the feminists? Shouldn't they be defending a sister in arms? Oh I forgot, she's not the right woman. She doesn't think correctly, therefore she doesn't deserve defending. I don't know about you, but I'm sick to death of win at any costs. All that matters is winning, but unfortunately in the end the American public is the loser. No wonder no good people want to seek service in the form of taking public office. Would you be willing to subject yourself and your family to such defamatory statements? I know I wouldn't.