Nothing really prepares one to be a parent of teenagers. In fact I think this may be the master plan because if any of us truly knew the extent of the challenge, we might choose not to have children. What makes the experience so heart wrenching is that it forces you to do one of two things; go immediately into denial and resurface when they finally make you a grandparent or take a long hard look at yourself, face your glaring faults, and deal with them. I'm trying as best I can to handle the experience with the second option, but it can be very difficult and painful at times. I never realized how easily I can become angry and yell instead of take a breath, stay calm, realize who is the grown up, and calmly speak with my teenagers. It is amazing how truly crazed I can become. When I allow myself to go there, the whole interaction then becomes about me and my poor handling of the situation, when it should be about the lousy attitude or downright disrespectful behavior of my teenagers. Maybe this is their strategy. Push my button so hard and fast that it is guaranteed to push me over the edge, loosing all control, and ultimately making it about my poor behavior, thereby justifying in some odd way their bad behavior. It's all so confusing. Is it too late for me to go into denial?
This is where having a supportive spouse comes in handy. I find that if I'm crazed, he stays calm and talks me down and visa versa. But that only works when we're both in the same location. Again, I think it is a teenage conspiracy. They seem to choose the car as the location to spring their trap. I'm trapped inside a metal box, going 65 mph (okay, 80 mph) down the highway, happily listening to my favorite talk show station and this voice comes from the back seat saying the very thing that messes with me in a tone that places the final straw in the camel's back and I'm without my reinforcements (Dan where are you when I need you the most?). Is it enough to say I'm trying? Because I really am trying; very, very hard. Thus far my success rate is about 10%, but I'm really, really, trying.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Words
As I spend my second night awake after stopping the Neurontin (could I be going through withdrawals?) my thoughts continue to circle around the upcoming election. As I've shared previously, I'm amazed at how people are willing to vote for a man who wants to fundamentally change this country. I've heard people speak of Obama's ability to inspire through his words. I have to admit, he does know how to give a speech. He has been given the special talent of weaving an intoxicating, inspiring, and awe-inducing message. I remember after he gave his speech on race and his acceptance speech at the DNC how many voiced their adoration of him and their hopeful anticipation that this country was on the brink of a new age.
With only 7 more days until the election I would like to share some more of Obama's words with you. What do these words inspire? These words were spoken by Obama during a 2001 radio interview. You might say this is ancient history, much like his associations with Ayers and Reverand Wright. But I would like to remind you that we heard very similar words come from Obama's mouth just a little over a week ago, so I have no reason to believe that his views have changed.
Quotes from the transcript of his 2001 radio interview:
OBAMA: But the Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth and more basic issues of political and economic justice in this society. It [the Warren Supreme Court]wasn't that radical. It didn't break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution, at least as it's been interpreted and Warren interpreted it in the same way that generally is a charter of negative liberties. The Consititution says what the federal government can't do to you but it doesn't say what the federal government or the state government must do on your behalf. And that hasn't shifted and one of the, I think the tragedies of the civil rights movement was because the civil rights movement became so court-focused, I think that there was a tendency to lose track of the political and community organizing activities on the ground that are able to put together the actual coalitions of power through which you bring about redistributive change. And in some ways we still suffer from that.
(Italics added to show my emphasis)
The essential constraints and negative liberties that Obama is referring to are the principles that guarantees the federal government will not take away your free speech, will not take away your right to bear arms and he has a problem with this. He criticizes the Constitution for not saying what the government will do for you. He wants to usher in a government that does for you and me and as you know government always does a better job than the private sector. He believes, in fact, that the government will do a better job deciding how the money you and I earn should be spent. That's what wealth redistribution is all about. Taking my money and your money, by way of taxes, and giving it to those who are "behind us" to use his words spoken to "Joe the Plumber."
I don't want to over focus on this whole wealth distribution issue, even though it is incredibly important; what I find particularly chilling about Obama's statements is he takes issue with the founding document of this country, the Constitution. He believes it is fundamentally flawed. I think the more relevant question is what does this belief mean for an Obama presidency? He wants to flip the Constitution on its head. The Constitution guarantees power to the people. The government is meant to answer to us, the people. Obama wants to guarantee power to the government which means that the people answer to the government. This should frighten us all and I am not fear mongering. Sometimes fear is legitimate and when a presidential candidate suggests fundamental change of this nature, I think it is appropriate to be fearful.
In his speeches Obama says how he wants to heal this country; who could possibly be against healing? Healing is a good thing, right? In fact I feel better just saying the word "healing." But again, I have to ask what does that mean? What I might think will heal this country may be different from what Obama has in mind. Oh heck, why get bogged down in details? It will all work out in the end, right?
Words are powerful things, particularly when you stop and look at what those words, when strung together, mean. It appears that a few people in the press are beginning to look at the meaning behind Obama's words, much to the Obama campaign's chagrine. What I think is most telling is the way that the Obama campaign is responding. The TV station in Florida that interviewed Biden regarding Obama's spread the wealth comments has been informed that they no longer have access the the campaign. This is not the first time that they have done this. Could they be telegraphing to us what they will do in the future regarding anyone who speaks out against them? Remember those niggling constraints that the Constitution imposes...like free speech. Social pressure to alter speech to conform to a particular view is called political correctness. What do you call government pressure to alter speech to conform to a particular view????
With only 7 more days until the election I would like to share some more of Obama's words with you. What do these words inspire? These words were spoken by Obama during a 2001 radio interview. You might say this is ancient history, much like his associations with Ayers and Reverand Wright. But I would like to remind you that we heard very similar words come from Obama's mouth just a little over a week ago, so I have no reason to believe that his views have changed.
Quotes from the transcript of his 2001 radio interview:
OBAMA: But the Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth and more basic issues of political and economic justice in this society. It [the Warren Supreme Court]wasn't that radical. It didn't break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution, at least as it's been interpreted and Warren interpreted it in the same way that generally is a charter of negative liberties. The Consititution says what the federal government can't do to you but it doesn't say what the federal government or the state government must do on your behalf. And that hasn't shifted and one of the, I think the tragedies of the civil rights movement was because the civil rights movement became so court-focused, I think that there was a tendency to lose track of the political and community organizing activities on the ground that are able to put together the actual coalitions of power through which you bring about redistributive change. And in some ways we still suffer from that.
(Italics added to show my emphasis)
The essential constraints and negative liberties that Obama is referring to are the principles that guarantees the federal government will not take away your free speech, will not take away your right to bear arms and he has a problem with this. He criticizes the Constitution for not saying what the government will do for you. He wants to usher in a government that does for you and me and as you know government always does a better job than the private sector. He believes, in fact, that the government will do a better job deciding how the money you and I earn should be spent. That's what wealth redistribution is all about. Taking my money and your money, by way of taxes, and giving it to those who are "behind us" to use his words spoken to "Joe the Plumber."
I don't want to over focus on this whole wealth distribution issue, even though it is incredibly important; what I find particularly chilling about Obama's statements is he takes issue with the founding document of this country, the Constitution. He believes it is fundamentally flawed. I think the more relevant question is what does this belief mean for an Obama presidency? He wants to flip the Constitution on its head. The Constitution guarantees power to the people. The government is meant to answer to us, the people. Obama wants to guarantee power to the government which means that the people answer to the government. This should frighten us all and I am not fear mongering. Sometimes fear is legitimate and when a presidential candidate suggests fundamental change of this nature, I think it is appropriate to be fearful.
In his speeches Obama says how he wants to heal this country; who could possibly be against healing? Healing is a good thing, right? In fact I feel better just saying the word "healing." But again, I have to ask what does that mean? What I might think will heal this country may be different from what Obama has in mind. Oh heck, why get bogged down in details? It will all work out in the end, right?
Words are powerful things, particularly when you stop and look at what those words, when strung together, mean. It appears that a few people in the press are beginning to look at the meaning behind Obama's words, much to the Obama campaign's chagrine. What I think is most telling is the way that the Obama campaign is responding. The TV station in Florida that interviewed Biden regarding Obama's spread the wealth comments has been informed that they no longer have access the the campaign. This is not the first time that they have done this. Could they be telegraphing to us what they will do in the future regarding anyone who speaks out against them? Remember those niggling constraints that the Constitution imposes...like free speech. Social pressure to alter speech to conform to a particular view is called political correctness. What do you call government pressure to alter speech to conform to a particular view????
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Back to the drawing board
Remember how when I went to the doctor and he prescribed this drug named Neurontin and at the time the doctor assured me that there were no "real" side effects from taking this drug? Well, I'm not so sure of this assurance. I've been taking it regularly and initially taking one pill three times a day was doing the trick nicely. Almost all the facial pain went away...for about 2 weeks. Then little by little the pain started coming back. But that didn't particularly concern me because the doctor said that I could increase the dosage and increase it significantly, if need be, because, after all, it's a very safe drug with no "real" side effects. So over the past few weeks I've been increasing the dosage with last week my highest dosage being 900 mg, three times the originally prescribed dosage. This past week, even this highest dosage wasn't completely alleviating the pain. I have to admit that I began taking two Advil every day to help with the pain. I planned on calling the doctor on Monday to let him know that I had significantly increased my dosage, so that when it came time to renew it, a red flag wouldn't go off and I'd be reported to some drug agency as the latest junkie in town.
Last night, upon returning home from a lovely evening of food, wine, and friendly banter with our best friends, I noticed when I took my sandals off that there was a large imprint from the sandle and a slight bulge where the pressure of the leather of the sandal had not been. In other words, I was swollen. I wrote it off to sitting without moving for a while and possibly from drinking wine. This morning I still felt a bit swollen, but ignored it as denial is my favorite defense mechanism. However, by this evening my feet and calves felt like I had just gotten off of an 18 hour airplane flight and my hands felt and were so swollen that I couldn't remove my wedding rings. In my normal state my wedding rings are quite loose and come off easily. So I could deny it no longer. I know that edema can be a sign of a heart problem or high blood pressure. I pondered what could possibly be causing such sudden swelling. I did't feel like I had high blood pressure, wouldn't I have a headache? Not necessarily...it is the "silent killer" after all. I told myself, "you must get a grip. It's not high blood pressure. You've never had a history of high blood pressure. Think, it has to be something else." Then it occurred to me. Thank God for Google! I put in the search term "side effects and Neurontin." I clicked on the first medical journal article and what do I see listed as the #3 side effect...peripheral edema. Peripheral edema does not seem like a benign effect. I can't see any good coming from having and living with peripheral edema. So it's back to the drawing board. No more Neurontin for me. The experiment is officially over and it was a dismal failure.
Last night, upon returning home from a lovely evening of food, wine, and friendly banter with our best friends, I noticed when I took my sandals off that there was a large imprint from the sandle and a slight bulge where the pressure of the leather of the sandal had not been. In other words, I was swollen. I wrote it off to sitting without moving for a while and possibly from drinking wine. This morning I still felt a bit swollen, but ignored it as denial is my favorite defense mechanism. However, by this evening my feet and calves felt like I had just gotten off of an 18 hour airplane flight and my hands felt and were so swollen that I couldn't remove my wedding rings. In my normal state my wedding rings are quite loose and come off easily. So I could deny it no longer. I know that edema can be a sign of a heart problem or high blood pressure. I pondered what could possibly be causing such sudden swelling. I did't feel like I had high blood pressure, wouldn't I have a headache? Not necessarily...it is the "silent killer" after all. I told myself, "you must get a grip. It's not high blood pressure. You've never had a history of high blood pressure. Think, it has to be something else." Then it occurred to me. Thank God for Google! I put in the search term "side effects and Neurontin." I clicked on the first medical journal article and what do I see listed as the #3 side effect...peripheral edema. Peripheral edema does not seem like a benign effect. I can't see any good coming from having and living with peripheral edema. So it's back to the drawing board. No more Neurontin for me. The experiment is officially over and it was a dismal failure.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Be of good cheer...one way or another we'll make it through
After my last downer of a posting I started receiving these "pep" emails from my brother-in-law Earl. The good news is they worked. The first email included an article about the the lack of reliability of polls. The next email included an article about how group influences affect individual behavior and how this may lead to erroneous poll results. The next email included an article suggesting a winning strategy for "you know who." By the third email I was feeling considerably better. The fourth email was the "everything is going to be okay" even if "you know who doesn't win" because we've planned well enough to get us through the rough economic times that are sure to come. Thanks Earl. You'll never know how much your email extravaganza lifted my spirits.
Speaking of the impending doom, better known as the US economy, isn't that Barney Frank something special? Yesterday, when interviewed by one of the business correspondents regarding what's next, his suggestion of what's next is that we need to begin a major government spending program, let our budget deficit fears take a "second seat" for a while, and raise taxes on rich people because they have the money to cover these expenditures. Of course, he doesn't define who the rich people are, but I have a sinking feeling that Dan and I might be considered "rich" by Frank and the rest of the far left Democrats. Of course Barney's suggestion for what's next is right in line with Obama's "spreading the wealth around." All I can say is don't blame me when Obama gets elected president with a filibuster proof Democratic congress. They've been pretty clear regarding their plans for this country. Unfortunately, very few people are actually hearing what they are saying. They're buying the schtick of change and hope. Well we're going to get change alright! Unfortunately it's going to be change that results in small business being crushed by higher taxes, laying off of employees, more and more government intrusion in our personal lives, because after all they're spreading the wealth around. So lock up your guns because they'll be coming for those too. Enjoy talk radio while you can because the fairness doctrine is right around the corner. We opened this door when we started looking to government to solve this economic crisis by passing these numerous bail outs.
And then there's Joe Biden. Isn't he something? I guess a crisis is coming our way within 6 months of Obama taking office. I'm supposed to gird my loins, but I'm not sure how to do that. What does that mean exactly? What happened to hope and change? Loin girding does not sound very hopeful.
Speaking of the impending doom, better known as the US economy, isn't that Barney Frank something special? Yesterday, when interviewed by one of the business correspondents regarding what's next, his suggestion of what's next is that we need to begin a major government spending program, let our budget deficit fears take a "second seat" for a while, and raise taxes on rich people because they have the money to cover these expenditures. Of course, he doesn't define who the rich people are, but I have a sinking feeling that Dan and I might be considered "rich" by Frank and the rest of the far left Democrats. Of course Barney's suggestion for what's next is right in line with Obama's "spreading the wealth around." All I can say is don't blame me when Obama gets elected president with a filibuster proof Democratic congress. They've been pretty clear regarding their plans for this country. Unfortunately, very few people are actually hearing what they are saying. They're buying the schtick of change and hope. Well we're going to get change alright! Unfortunately it's going to be change that results in small business being crushed by higher taxes, laying off of employees, more and more government intrusion in our personal lives, because after all they're spreading the wealth around. So lock up your guns because they'll be coming for those too. Enjoy talk radio while you can because the fairness doctrine is right around the corner. We opened this door when we started looking to government to solve this economic crisis by passing these numerous bail outs.
And then there's Joe Biden. Isn't he something? I guess a crisis is coming our way within 6 months of Obama taking office. I'm supposed to gird my loins, but I'm not sure how to do that. What does that mean exactly? What happened to hope and change? Loin girding does not sound very hopeful.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Disenfranchised
I haven't posted for a while. I could say it is because I'm so busy, which I am. But, that's not the real reason. The real reason is that I don't want to talk about what I'm feeling because overall it is quite negative. I'd rather come up with some breezy anecdote from my life, one that puts a slight grin on your face, but I'm all out right now. I look at what is going on in our country now and I'm downright miffed. I feel as if I've gone through the looking glass and what was once up is now down and visa versa. I thought I lived in a country that prized self reliance and independence, but I stand corrected. I live in a country where everyone is more concerned about what government can do for them..."where's mine" seems to be the collective cry. I believe that we're about to elect a man who will further usher in a new socialist agenda. This is not a hyperbolic statement; instead it is a simple statement of the state of affairs. What bothers me most is that most people I see are just sitting back and taking it. There seems to be a general passive acceptance, as if this is the next natural step in the evolution of our country. There are those that are downright ecstatic about the change. It makes me sad and it is about all that I am able to think about.
Dan and I have worked very hard over the past three decades. We've paid off our house. We haven't lived beyond our means. We steadily put away money for our retirement because we know that we will never see our social security. We've taken responsibility for our finances. We never expected anyone other than ourselves to secure our financial security. But in the space of a few weeks, we've lost nearly half of our retirement. At the same time, our legislature voted for a bail out bill that commits $750 BILLION DOLLARS of tax money that is placed in the hands of the very government officials who CAUSED this mess. So, not only has the value of our retirement and our home decreased at staggering levels, but we also get to pay the bill for others who acted irresponsibly. Am I wrong to feel as if we are now living in an alternate reality? So I'm just trying to sort all this out. To come to terms that the America that I grew up believing in is now fundamentally changing. It appears that there is nothing that I can do to change it. Both political parties, which are the only current bandwagons to jump on, are so corrupt and misguided. I'd love to vote for a third party candidate, but then there is the whole "throwing your vote away" argument where there is a precident...remember Ross Perot? I feel so disenfranchised. I feel so angry. I feel so frustrated. I feel so powerless. That's why I haven't posted. Who wants to hear the rantings of a middle aged woman?
Dan and I have worked very hard over the past three decades. We've paid off our house. We haven't lived beyond our means. We steadily put away money for our retirement because we know that we will never see our social security. We've taken responsibility for our finances. We never expected anyone other than ourselves to secure our financial security. But in the space of a few weeks, we've lost nearly half of our retirement. At the same time, our legislature voted for a bail out bill that commits $750 BILLION DOLLARS of tax money that is placed in the hands of the very government officials who CAUSED this mess. So, not only has the value of our retirement and our home decreased at staggering levels, but we also get to pay the bill for others who acted irresponsibly. Am I wrong to feel as if we are now living in an alternate reality? So I'm just trying to sort all this out. To come to terms that the America that I grew up believing in is now fundamentally changing. It appears that there is nothing that I can do to change it. Both political parties, which are the only current bandwagons to jump on, are so corrupt and misguided. I'd love to vote for a third party candidate, but then there is the whole "throwing your vote away" argument where there is a precident...remember Ross Perot? I feel so disenfranchised. I feel so angry. I feel so frustrated. I feel so powerless. That's why I haven't posted. Who wants to hear the rantings of a middle aged woman?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
RIP
Walt Barber passed away last Monday. We knew it was going to happen soon, but it is still a bit jarring when the call comes and makes the dreaded expectation a reality. I'm embarrassed to admit that when Dan told me that the funeral was on Friday at 11 am, I said, "well I can't go, I have to go to work. I can't cancel classes." Dan said he understood and that he would be sure to go and represent our family. Then, thank God, I got a clue. How could I not go and pay my respects and offer support to the family? So, I cancelled all my classes on Friday and I plan to be there and remember this wonderful man. Bruce, Walt's stepson and Dan's childhood friend, called today to ask Dan if he would be one of the pallbearers. Dan was so honored and immediately accepted. Tomorrow will be a sad day. We'll say good-bye to Walt and remember what a loving, kind, and giving man he was.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Buried
It seems like it has been months since my last post. There has been so much happening at so many levels, that the sense of overwhelm is almost unbearable at times. Work remains a huge time consumer and I just finished today (Sunday) all of my grading from the past 10 days. I was literally buried under the weight of it. But I only have myself to blame for scheduling assignments as I did.
Then we have the whole economy thing. I realize that we've planned well financially for our future, but as we watch our retirement accounts become eaten into by the volitility of our economy, for the first time we are having to ask ourselves what adjustment we need to make to ensure that we'll be able to take care of the basics, like send our children to college. The psychological game that our politicians have been playing haven't helped either. They've created this environment of desperation in order to convince the American public that this $700 billion dollar bail out is necessary. I've heard numerous alternative suggestions from the brightest of our private sector business people, but I haven't heard a single courageous politician offer an alternative to our leveraging our children's future. They make my stomach turn. Our senators and representatives have just committed all of us to turning over $700 billion dollars to the very people who got us into this mess. It makes me want to scream. It is a heavy psychological and financial burden that we all must carry now.
There are also family issues, that I don't care to elaborate on that are always close to the surface of my mind.
So what did we do to lighten things up around here? We went to the movies. We saw Appalousa with Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons, and Renee Zellweiger (sp?). It was very good and the popcorn wasn't half bad either. Today we went and saw An American Carole. It was the typical Airplane/Naked Gun kind of comedy, but it was nice for a change to have a pro-American theme in a Hollywood production. Kelsey Grammar was great as General Patton. Trace Adkins was in it too. He played the Angel of Death and at the end of the movie he even sang a song. That was a real bonus.
Time to start getting my mind in work mode again. Hopefully this week will be a little less stressed.
Then we have the whole economy thing. I realize that we've planned well financially for our future, but as we watch our retirement accounts become eaten into by the volitility of our economy, for the first time we are having to ask ourselves what adjustment we need to make to ensure that we'll be able to take care of the basics, like send our children to college. The psychological game that our politicians have been playing haven't helped either. They've created this environment of desperation in order to convince the American public that this $700 billion dollar bail out is necessary. I've heard numerous alternative suggestions from the brightest of our private sector business people, but I haven't heard a single courageous politician offer an alternative to our leveraging our children's future. They make my stomach turn. Our senators and representatives have just committed all of us to turning over $700 billion dollars to the very people who got us into this mess. It makes me want to scream. It is a heavy psychological and financial burden that we all must carry now.
There are also family issues, that I don't care to elaborate on that are always close to the surface of my mind.
So what did we do to lighten things up around here? We went to the movies. We saw Appalousa with Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons, and Renee Zellweiger (sp?). It was very good and the popcorn wasn't half bad either. Today we went and saw An American Carole. It was the typical Airplane/Naked Gun kind of comedy, but it was nice for a change to have a pro-American theme in a Hollywood production. Kelsey Grammar was great as General Patton. Trace Adkins was in it too. He played the Angel of Death and at the end of the movie he even sang a song. That was a real bonus.
Time to start getting my mind in work mode again. Hopefully this week will be a little less stressed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
