Trying

Nothing really prepares one to be a parent of teenagers. In fact I think this may be the master plan because if any of us truly knew the extent of the challenge, we might choose not to have children. What makes the experience so heart wrenching is that it forces you to do one of two things; go immediately into denial and resurface when they finally make you a grandparent or take a long hard look at yourself, face your glaring faults, and deal with them. I'm trying as best I can to handle the experience with the second option, but it can be very difficult and painful at times. I never realized how easily I can become angry and yell instead of take a breath, stay calm, realize who is the grown up, and calmly speak with my teenagers. It is amazing how truly crazed I can become. When I allow myself to go there, the whole interaction then becomes about me and my poor handling of the situation, when it should be about the lousy attitude or downright disrespectful behavior of my teenagers. Maybe this is their strategy. Push my button so hard and fast that it is guaranteed to push me over the edge, loosing all control, and ultimately making it about my poor behavior, thereby justifying in some odd way their bad behavior. It's all so confusing. Is it too late for me to go into denial?

This is where having a supportive spouse comes in handy. I find that if I'm crazed, he stays calm and talks me down and visa versa. But that only works when we're both in the same location. Again, I think it is a teenage conspiracy. They seem to choose the car as the location to spring their trap. I'm trapped inside a metal box, going 65 mph (okay, 80 mph) down the highway, happily listening to my favorite talk show station and this voice comes from the back seat saying the very thing that messes with me in a tone that places the final straw in the camel's back and I'm without my reinforcements (Dan where are you when I need you the most?). Is it enough to say I'm trying? Because I really am trying; very, very hard. Thus far my success rate is about 10%, but I'm really, really, trying.