My heart is full

My heart is full right now and I consider the timing of my full heart to be quite fortuitous with Thanksgiving being tomorrow. Allow me to explain.

I just came from seeing the movie, "The Secret Life of Bees." I read the book and loved it. As you probably do, I always reserve a small corner of my heart with dread whenever I go to see a movie based on a book that I love. They rarely do it justice. I was so happy when the movie ended up making the experience of reading the book all the more glorious. If you haven't read the book, it is about a 14 year old girl, who when she was 4 accidentally shot and killed her mother during an incident where her father was physically abusing her mother. She lived the next 10 years with the guilt of having killed her mother, along with her hateful father physically and emotionally abusing her. The story takes place in the south at the time when the Equal Rights Act is signed by President Johnson. Through a series of events she runs away from home with her black housekeeper, running from the law, looking for a safe place to hide. She ends up in the home of three black sisters who lovingly welcome her into their home. The story is about how each of them enable the other to heal from the wounds that come from abuse and hate. The juxtaposition of the behavior of those who behaved in such hateful ways against the loving display of acceptance and love was stark and strangely beautiful.

It is one of those stories that causes you to pause and ask yourself what kind of person do I want to be? One that fearfully hides from life because I'm too afraid to look at my pain or it is too difficult to believe that I deserve anything better and in that muddled mess project all that fear and hurt on others by behaving in hurtful and less than loving ways. The other choice is to bravely look at the pain and the baseless belief of being of no value and to challenge it. To acknowledge and accept that I am a child of God and that I, just like you, do have a higher purpose than servicing the pain and fear. It is through focusing on my higher purpose that I am free to love and accept others, to be kind to others, and to ask where I can be of service.

I saw many parallels between the world of 1964 and the world of 2008. The groups that are divided may be different, but there is still division. I see and hear divisive things daily, be it in the media or from those I live around. I have felt the sting of judgment from others who don't even know me, but because I've self identified as belonging to a particular group, they assume terrible things about me. It hurts and it makes me feel angry. It would be so easy to fall into the trap of returning hate with hate, but what's the point? What I saw in the movie today was the healing power of quietly and courageous standing up for yourself from a place of knowing who you are; not allowing anyone else to define who you are; and returning cruelty with kindness. That's the kind of person that I want to be.

It also got me thinking about all that I have because I've faced so much of my personal pain. The full and rich life that I have today is the direct result of letting go of the hurt, facing my shame, and turning my weaknesses into my strengths. I know what my purpose in life is and I'm actively pursuing it. I also know that no matter how difficult times may become that because of my strong and loving family that we'll be able to face and deal with whatever may come our way. In fact, I'm kind of looking forward to the challenges ahead. I think we're going to become better people for it.

When I arrived home tonight, Dan and his brother Fred were here, along with my kids and their cousin Liam. I walked into the house with the most delicious smell of a newly seasoned pot of beans on the stove. My beautiful and sweet teenage daughter was happily watching an episode of "I Love Lucy" and it was my teenage son who was responsible seasoning those beans so well that we all just dove right in making tacos and listening to some new tunes that I downloaded to my iPod, while we joked and laughed and enjoyed each others company. So, you can see why my heart is so full. I hope yours is too. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.