Dear Kidnapper,
About six weeks ago, during the dark of night, you snuck into our home and took our disrespectful, negative, and mouthy teenage daughter. In her place you left a sweet, respectful, and loving young woman. I am unsure of your motivation for taking our daughter. We haven't received a ransom note or any other request to ensure her safe return. I want you to know that you can keep her. We rather like the replacement. This morning the sweet young woman overslept and with only 5 minutes to get ready for school, she rushed around the house with nary a foul word passing from her mouth, sweetly asking for my assistance, and amazingly was ready to go in that brief amount of time with a smile on her face. It truly was a miracle. I am greeted with a hug and a kiss when I arrive home. When I ask her to do things she readily complies, whistling while she works. We have grown very attached to her and have no desire to see her go. You are welcome to keep the nasty teenage girl. Consider it an early Christmas present.
Gratefully,
The happiest mother of a teenager in the world
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