Happy Birthday Cody

Today my son Cody turns 15 years old. As I stated previously, he is still planning his birthday and today nothing is really happening. It just doesn't seem right as this is the day of his birth. So I thought at the very least he deserved an acknowledgment on my blog. Not to sound corny or anything but he is starting to turn into a young man. Dan now has him driving the big mower and regularly helping with various outside activities that remain a mystery to me (and I intentionally want them to remain a mystery to me) that seem to result in our yard looking oh so nice and pretty.

Happy birthday Cody. You've been a joy these 15 years and I thank God everyday that he gifted you to me.

Free at Last

I'm officially on vacation. Turned in my summer session grades on Saturday. I'm SUPPOSED to get paid in the next 10 days, but considering what's going on in Sacto right now with the budget, I'm not holding my breath. I'm just praying I get my regular paycheck.

Tomorrow is Cody's birthday. He'll be 15. He's getting sooooo tall. I swear he is the same height as Dan. My baby boy is as tall as his dad! What's a mother to do??? I still have no idea what he's got planned for his birthday tomorrow as he has chosen not to include me in the planning...if there is planning...if the plans are already made...if he is even considering planning...I think you get the idea.

I also have to figure out when to take Chelsea for her driving test. Her driving has really improved and I almost feel ready to kick her out of the "car nest." I keep thinking to myself, just one more week of practice driving, then we'll get her tested. Chelsea's getting antsy, so I think stalling is not going to be an option for much longer.

My needle biopsy site is almost healed, yeah! I'm lifting and only occasionally get a twinge of pain. Soon it will be an almost forgotten episode in my life...Never.

Speaking of antsy...Dan's got wanderlust BAD. I need to get him out of town and seeing some new sights. We'll be taking a week off mid-July. The kids want nothing to do with it, so Mom will be staying with them while I tend to Dan's need for travel. We still have no idea where we will be going, but I think Dan likes it that way. I don't really care or have an opinion, I'm just glad to be his sidekick. I'm a good sidekick, by the way.

A Mixed Bag

Yesterday started in the most unexpected way. I opened my email at 9:27 am and in my mailbox were several emails from members of my tea party group. Friday the House of Representatives passed Cap and Trade legislation. The House was heavily "lobbied" to vote NO on this needless and costly legislation but, as usual, they ignored their constituents. The California Tea Party Patriots put out a call to head to Sacramento for a noon rally. I was informed in these emails that the Chico contingent was leaving at 9:30 am. I immediately contacted one of the members, Kasey, on her cell phone and made arrangements to meet them a few minutes later. So, literally in 5 minutes I went from casually checking my email to jumping in my car with a blue Sharpie and two blank poster boards.

Upon arriving in Sacto, we immediately scratched out a few catchy sayings on our posterboards and headed to the west side of the Capitol Building. We immediately noticed numerous tables and tents lining the wide walkway, but as we got closer and closer, the banners on these tents were for La Familia, The Women's Feminist Healthcenter, Planned Parenthood, etc... I turned and looked at Cynthia (the president of our group) and said I don't think this is where the tea party is going to be held. This is absolutely confirmed when I say the Obama "O" leaning up against the podium. Then we saw a group a people in red t-shirts setting up a card board table and putting more red t-shirts on the table, right next to one of the other group's tables. The national organization for the tea party group has decided that we all have red t-shirts for the July 4th rally, so we thought maybe these people were with our group. Sure enough, they were putting on the table tea party t-shirts. We shared our concern that we were setting up in the wrong area. The last thing we need to be doing is "crashing" another group's party. We soon found out that it was a gathering in support of Obama's national healthcare legislation. The red t-shirt people didn't seem concerned and said that when their organizer arrived he would tell us what to do.

We felt too uncomfortable being in such close proximity to this other group, so we set up about 50 feet away and waited. It was almost noon and there was hardly anyone there. The main organizer wasn't even there. We began to wonder if we'd wasted our gas and our time coming to this thing. Shortly thereafter, about a dozen very vocal tea-partier's arrived, one of the men had a megaphone. In very rapid succession more and more people came and soon the number was about 50 people. The guy with the megaphone started saying highly insulting comments to the healthcare group. I was horrified. He was calling them "parasites" and whenever the healthcare guy spoke at the podium, he would shout him down and say generally ugly, bagering statements. I identified a man talking on a cell phone as the event organizer and Kasey and Cynthia went over to protest to the organizer that this is not the kind of message we want to send about our group. Eventually, Mark, the organizer, got off the phone and got a clue and silenced the horrid man on the megaphone. I have to say that the healthcare people had every right to let us know how obnoxious the man was being, but they never said an unkind word. I was impressed with them and embarrassed by the behavior of some of the tea-partiers. Everyone in this country has the right to believe whatever they want and to voice that belief without being name-called.

Once Mark got a clue, our group was moved away from the healthcare group and the rally became what it should be; a group of non-partisan people who wanted to voice their disagreement with the passing of Cap and Trade. In the end we had about 300 people show up. We will only win if we make our case on the merits of our argument, not by insulting and degrading those who have differing opinions. That kind of behavior is un-American and I want no part of it.

Celebration

Yesterday was a day for celebration. Last Christmas, Mona and I decided to take Chelseigh and a friend to see Wicked in San Francisco to celebrate Chelseigh's 17th birthday. The day arrived yesterday to make good on our plans. We left for San Francisco at about 1 pm, but Mona in her true "Mona-style" came loaded with goodies. She bought all manner of candy and snacks for the girls, which they quickly took into their possession, with the appropriate "thank-you's." After stopping for our "road trip" dose of coffee, we hit the road. We thoroughly enjoyed our conversation with the girls on the trip down and Chelseigh shared some of her favorite music on her iPod. I've got to say she's got rather good taste in music!

We arrived in the city around 4:15 and drove immediately to Pier 39. We wanted to check out the shops and have dinner there before heading off to the Orpheum Theater. We found great parking and walked about 2 blocks to the pier. As we started exploring the pier, I heard my cell phone ring. Upon answering it I heard the most unexpected voice...Dr. Schwabe, my OB-GYN. He was calling with the results of my needle biopsy on my breast. I was stunned! Here I am standing on noisy Pier 39, with the wind blowing my hair in every direction, my daughter standing beside me enjoying her long awaited birthday celebration, and I've got the man who has my very health in his hands on the other end of the phone. I stepped away after saying loud enough for Mona to hear, "Oh hi, Dr. Schwabe." Mona knew immediately what the call was about. I stepped away to try to find an area of less noise and to ensure that if the news was bad, I could collect myself outside of view from my daughter. Dr. Schwabe said, "I've got the results of your pathology report and the news is good." I pretty much didn't hear anything more after that. I think he told me what kind of cells were found, but who cares when they aren't malignant. I'd dodged a bullet. Not only did I have reason to celebrate Chelseigh's birthday, I now could celebrate NOT having to have surgery, chemotherapy, and/or radiation therapy. I rushed over to the girls and immediately shared my news. Hugs were shared all around.

Now we could shift our full and unfettered attentions to shopping. We found a great silver jewelry shop where we bought several pairs of earrings. We then decided to have lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe. I promptly told the waitress that it was Chelseigh's birthday. After ordering and eating our lunch, the waitress appeared at the table with a chocolate sundae with birthday candles. They do things a little different at the Hard Rock Cafe. Instead, of summoning all the wait staff to sing the obligatory "Happy Birthday" song, she grabbed Chelseigh by the arm and said, "come with me." Even more shoking was that Chelseigh went with her, sundae in hand. The waitress took Chelseigh to the center of the restaurant, shouted to get everyone's attention and proceeded to introduce Chelseigh to the entire restaurant and instructed that on the count of three we were to collective yell out, "Happy Birthday, Chelseigh." I captured the very dark picture that is shown below, but you can barely make out Chelseigh on the left with her hand covering her face.




Chelseigh brought with her for the day her friend MacKenzie. She is the sweetest and most well mannered friend that Chelseigh has ever had. The four of us just clicked.



We took this picture right after I shared my happy news. So this is my "I don't have breast cancer" picture.

After dinner we immediately located a candy store and bought more than our share of goodies for dessert. Then it was time to get ourselves to the Orpheum Theater. We had no trouble finding the theater and great parking. We found our seats easily and they were in a really good location. Wicked was simply a spectacular play. I was so excited because Patty Duke was in the play and I absolutely love Patty Duke. The two women who played the leads were simply marvelous with the most beautiful and clear singing voices. The sets were spectacular and I know that I will always remember this very special day and night. We got out of the play at about 11 pm and were immediately on the road home. Again, Mona and I shared with each other while the girls napped. We returned to Chico at 2 am, very ready for our awaiting beds.

The Challenge of Uncertainty

I've hinted at the fact that I've been dealing with something difficult and I think it is time to come clean and let everyone know exactly what is going on. I had my yearly mammogram and received a call back for a magnification. They said there was some distortion on the original mammogram and they wanted a closer view. I wasn't particularly concerned as I've had this happen before and everything has always been fine. Well, this time I wasn't so lucky. After the magnification was taken, they ushered me into an exam room and then invited me into yet another room that had a sonogram machine sitting in the corner and a well made guerney. I was instructed to get on the guerney and informed that the doctor wanted to have a closer look with the sonogram. The lovely woman who conducted the exam took quite a while passing her "wand" repeatedly over the same spot. She finished her exam, covered me with a towel and told me that the doctor would be in shortly. I started to worry. I craned my head so that I could see what was on the screen, but it just looked like an etch-a-sketch screen turned upside down. Eventually the doctor came in the room, introduced himself (his last name started with an L) and he shook my hand. He proceeded to inform me that there is a distortion in my breast that caused him some concern and he wanted to order a needle biopsy. I was shocked, but held it together to ask the most relevant question...whatever "it" is, are we identifying it early? If it is, in fact, cancer, are we catching it early. He told me that it was very early. That anything smaller than 1 cm is considered to be early stages and mine measured 6mm. I dressed and went out to the reception area where a lovely, perky, and rather reassuring young woman scheduled me for my needle biopsy. I had to wait 8 days.

Today was my biopsy. I have to admit that the experience of waiting and living with uncertainty has been a very interesting experience. You see, I tend to be a controlling person. I like things to be in order. My mission in life is to try to control for every variable so that no matter what may come my way I will be ready to deal with it. I'm sort of like a girl scout on steriods. So, having to live with this uncertainty has been a challenge. Then to add insult to injury I received the email informing me that all lecturers were taken off the schedule. So not only do I have uncertainty regarding my health, I also have uncertainty regarding my work. Not my favorite state of being. This experience has offered me the opportunity to put into practice, what I have pondered theoretically. I believe in God. I believe that in spite of my almost obsessive need to control most things in my life, that ultimately I'm not the one in control. I've shared this belief with my friends and family. But, now I had to actually see if I could put my actions where my theoretical beliefs were. I had to trust that no matter what the outcome, that I would be alright. I had to let go and believe that God has a plan for me and the most important thing is for me to trust in that. What was amazing is that it really has worked for me. I described it to my sister like being in the middle of a tornado, however I stood in the eye, where it is very peaceful. Occasionally my thoughts would take me into the whirl of fear that comprised the tornado, but a deep breath and a reaffirmation that God is in control and that no matter what I will be able to deal with whatever the outcome may be brought me right back to center. What a gift this uncertainty has been!

I will not know the results of the biopsy until Monday, even though my doctor told me he would let me know on Friday. The odds are definitely in my favor; only 20% come back malignant. The biopsy experience was actually quite easy. I was expecting a lot more pain. The doctor allowed me to watch the entire procedure on the sonogram screen. I could see the needle injecting the numbing agent and then I could see the larger biopsy needle sucking up the questionable tissue. The people who work at the Breast Center couldn't have been nicer and I left there feeling happy. How strange! I've been instructed that I can't lift more than 5 pounds for 48 hours and I can't reach up for things, so I plan on using this to my advantage. I've already begun asking the kids to do "extra" to accommodate for my lack of mobility. See there's always a silver lining.

Tomorrow Mona and I will be taking Chelsea and her friend MacKenzie to San Francisco to see the play Wicked for Chelsea's 17th birthday. I can hardly wait. We'll take the girls to Pier 39 and have some dinner and then to Ghiaradelli's for some dessert before the 8 pm show. I'm really looking forward to spending the day with my beautiful daughter and my best friend. Life is good.

Caterpiller

This is a picture that my sister took of a caterpillar that she saw while we were talking on the phone about a difficulty that I'm currently dealing with. Of course, the caterpillar is a symbol of metamorphesis and change. I pray that her seeing this caterpillar and having the presence of mind to take a picture of it so that she could share it with me as a sign of encouragement proves to be true. I am so blessed to have a sister who loves me and is always there for me.

Wait and See

Received a group email today from my boss. The California budget crisis has finally come home to roost. All lecturers were removed from the schedule pending notification from the "higher up's" regarding class cancellations. He tried to be as reassuring as possible by stating that he believed that our schedule will probably stay intact, but the possibility still remains that there may be cancellations which would then result in lay-offs. I'm giving myself an 80/20 chance of keeping my job, which means I'm only mildly concerned. Hopefully we'll know sooner rather than later. In the meantime, I've got one more week of summer session to teach and then it is vacation time for me. One thing I've learned this week is there are a lot worse things that can happen then getting laid off from my job. More on that later.

Growing in Popularity!

I've doubled my number of followers on Twitter and I have yet to post a "tweet." I now have four followers. I suggest that my four followers get their Starbuck's because it's going to be a long time before they receive a "tweet" from me.

The Strange World of Twitter

I joined Twitter the other day so that I could follow Glenn Beck and Pioneer Woman. I was curious. In order to "follow" someone you have to open an account, which I did. This, of course, means that I can "twit" about my going's on, but who the heck wants to hear what I've had for breakfast and I finished grading papers? So I've never "twitted." I signed onto the Twitter homepage today to see what Glenn and Pioneer Woman were up to and I was shocked, gobsmacked, baffled, and stumped when it said that I had two followers. I don't know these people. Since I've never twitted I have no idea how they found me. It is strange to say the least. What kind of person would choose to follow a person they have never met and have never read anything that the person has twitted? It's almost creepy enough to cause me to cancel my account, however since I used a pseudo-name and I didn't provide any information in my profile I don't think there is any way that they can really know who I am, so I won't be rash and cancel the account today, but I want it noted that it is slightly disturbing, yet curious.

Things I Know

Things I know:

• Teaching summer session is intense, time consuming, and strangely enjoyable. The money isn't bad either.
• That if you keep showing up, it is highly likely that you'll be asked to do more of the work.
• That I don't mind doing more of the work, because I find the work meaningful.
• Getting involved lessens feelings of powerlessness.
• Feelings of powerlessness sucks, big time.
• Sometimes when you take a medical test, the results are not always what you expect.
• It's important to wait until you know what you are dealing with before you start to worry. Worrying too soon is a waste of energy.
• If you stop eating refined sugar and decrease the amount of carbs you eat each day, that weight loss will happen.
• If you stand on the scale and your weight is the same, it doesn't pay to get discouraged. It's better to bide your time, keep with the program, because it's the right thing to do for your health. Stick to it-tiveness is a virtue.
• I'm 18 pounds lighter because I've done the two things I just mentioned.
• My daughter is turning into a beautiful woman, both inside and out.
• That makes me very happy, with a smidgen of bittersweet.
• My son is taller than me and is one of the nicest people that I've ever known.
• That makes me very happy, with no bittersweet.
• Our founding fathers were the most courageous and virtuous people ever (I'm watching the HBO mini-series John Adams and it is breathtaking. I'm also reading the Real George Washington...I highly recommend it).
• I want to be just like them...to have the courage of my convictions, no matter what the cost.
• Most of the time doing the hard thing is the right thing.